Rachel's letter to you - Christmas Appeal 2025

Dear friend,

Headway is a charity none of us ever expect to need, because brain injury is one of those things you never think will happen to you, or someone you love. And yet it does – every 90 seconds, in fact.

So I’m writing to ask if you’ll join me in supporting Headway this Christmas with a donation – because I know, firsthand, just how valuable their work is.
Let me tell you a little about my family, and why this charity is so important to us. I’m Rachel, and I’ve been married to Phil for 13 years. We have a nine-year-old son, Sam.

Until Phil’s accident we were just like any other family, looking forward to Christmas together. I loved making a fuss for Sam, and looked forward to dressing the tree (which was always far too big for the room) with decorations holding our treasured memories – funny-shaped baubles Sam had made at nursery, trinkets collected on our honeymoon and family holidays.

So the days leading up to 23 December 2020 were filled with all the usual excitement. As he crossed the road on his way home from his work Christmas party, that’s when it happened. I received a call telling me Phil had been in an accident and was being taken by ambulance to the hospital.

When I spoke with the doctor, all I heard was ‘massive brain haemorrhage,’ ‘multiple areas of damage to the brain,’ and ‘unlikely to survive’ before I was sick and my legs gave way. I didn’t want that to be the end of our story.

Sam was four at the time. And even though he was too young to comprehend the enormity of what I told him when he woke that Christmas Eve morning, I’ll never forget those big blue sleepy eyes looking at me in disbelief as his little mind tried to make sense of my words. He asked me if Dad was going to die, and I said ‘I don’t know’. He asked me if it was still Christmas. I remember thinking, ‘I can do this. I have to. For Sam.’

We were still in the thick of COVID restrictions, but I was able to visit Phil on Christmas Day. He was in a very deep coma and showing no signs of coming out of it. Even after drilling a hole in his skull to relieve the pressure, Phil continued to deteriorate, so the only option was to do a craniectomy to remove his entire frontal skull.
In the days that followed, his brain continued to swell, but his breathing and heartrate stabilised – a glimmer of light.

It was early-on that a nurse at the hospital mentioned Headway to me – there was so much to take in, so much uncertainty. But knowing there was an organisation that could help was a huge comfort. I have no words for how incredible Alex, one of the Headway Helpline nurses, was. I rang her, sometimes daily, and was always met with compassion and patience. There’s so much medical jargon that doctors don’t always have the time to explain fully, and it can feel very overwhelming – Alex helped me understand things better and what might come next. It gave me a sense of hope when everything felt bleak.

As that horrific Christmas drew to a close, I became afraid of taking down our treasured decorations, of packing away our happy memories – because I knew that by next Christmas, I would know Phil’s fate. Whether he would wake from the coma – and if he did, what life he would have. So I carefully packed them away, unsure whether they would ever come down from the loft again.

Phil remained in a coma for three weeks before he slowly emerged. He would stare into space, growl and snarl at me. Alex from Headway helped me make sense of why Phil was behaving this way and how I could help his recovery. She helped me realise that it would take time – like the accident had caused Phil’s brain to form a tightly-bound knot of Christmas lights that would need time to untangle.

He couldn’t speak, couldn’t move his arms and legs. But I knew he recognised me as there was a very subtle brightening of his face when we made eye contact, and tears formed in his eyes. I had to hang on to these tiny moments to give me hope that ‘he was still in there’ and that more progress might come.

After months of intensive nursing and rehabilitation, Phil permanently returned home the following July. It was the weirdest thing – to see him as a stranger in the happy home we had created together.

But the support from Headway gave us the confidence to navigate the massive challenges of this. I really don’t know how we’d have managed without their brilliant guidance in those early months. They were a lifeline.

Brain injury is complex – it has affected literally every aspect of his life. His injury means he now has epilepsy; the seizures can be really frightening and cause new damage to his brain. The fatigue is severe, and his physical, social and emotional functions are all still impacted.

Five years on, we’ve learned – and are still learning – to adapt. Sam really struggled at first and found it difficult to look at his dad because his head swelled outwards after the numerous surgeries. But over time they’ve got to know each other again – we all have.

Headway has continued to support us with gentle care and a huge wealth of knowledge. I still reach out when I need to ask a question. And it can be anything – from understanding more about Phil’s conditions, to advice in navigating the challenges of income support that we could access.

We’ve done all the therapies and assessments but have learned that recovery isn’t just about ‘doing all the things’. It’s about acceptance and learning to live alongside the disability. It’s about love, patience and gentleness with yourself. It’s about re-establishing your self-worth in a body that doesn’t quite feel like yours. Building trust in yourself again, being open to possibilities and rejoining the community.

Joining our local Headway group was a big part of this. It was the first time that we felt ‘normal’ somewhere. We didn’t have to explain ourselves. They just ‘got it’ and accepted us for who we were in that moment.

I’m still caring for Phil full-time, and he is doing well in his recovery overall. He’s hoping to start volunteering in the new year, and I’ve started a part-time horticulture course. It’s given me something outside of caring, to go out and meet other people. And I think Phil enjoys me not being here so he can build his independence.

I really am so thankful to Headway. Knowing they’re there has been a total lifesaver for both Phil’s recovery and my emotional health. They’ve given us the tools to move forward. We set goals and break them down into small – sometimes tiny – realistic steps, cracking on with quiet determination.

I found out recently that it costs £820 to run the helpline every day, and that the average emergency fund grant is £228. It’s only because of kind donations from people like you that families like mine get the help they need to keep going. Because when something so unexpected, so frightening happens, the expert advice and compassionate support Headway gives is invaluable. So however much you can give this Christmas, please know you’ll be making the biggest difference.

Every year since, I’ve found myself revisiting each moment of Christmas 2020, but it has got easier with time. And it’s helped me realise what really matters – family, kindness, acceptance. I’m so glad to be with the people I love, and to unpack the box of memories that adorn our Christmas tree once again.

Life as we knew it fell away that December night, but Headway has supported us every step of the way. I’m so glad they’re here for other families like mine because we now know that with the right help, at the right time, you really can live a good life with a brain injury.

Thank you for reading our story, and for any donation you’re able to make to Headway this Christmas.

With every good wish from Phil, Sam and me,

Rachel

P.S. I’d also like to invite you to make your donation and leave a message on Headway UK’s virtual Christmas tree – perhaps to write your Christmas wish, fondest memory, or to remember a loved one, and you can even upload a photo!